Update.

Hey kids! It’s certainly been a while, hasn’t it? But every now and then I get the urge to start blogging again. I suppress these ridiculous urges, because I know that my unfortunate addiction to huffing paint thinner will overcome the dedication required to run a blog. What? Why are you giving me that look? How do you honestly expect me to suppress my depression infested feelings without paint thinner!? Running, you say? Well… I just don’t think that will work. Sorry.

On a lighter note, I have began playing world of warcraft again. As of January 18th, Mcvengeance, my fucking awesome level 24 shaman, is raping Alliance bastards, communists, and Hillary Clinton supporters alike. Pretty cool, right? Well, if you want to play, I’m on Tichondrius [PvP]. See you noobs in Azeroth!

Also, over Amazon.com I ordered the Twilight Princess, Geometry Wars: Galaxies, and Warioware DS. I’ve yet to get warioware, but Zelda and Geometry wars are totally worth the $30. Anyways, I’m out. Keep keepin it real, kids! Gnight.

My Christmas Present to you!

Guys! Look what I found on the world wide internets today!
Merry Christmas.

Via Digg

Mah Schoolings: Consumerism, American Values, and the Vision of Success

environmental_consumption.jpg

This is the fourth 5 pager that I’ve written in the last two weeks. I guarantee that I’ll get a shit grade on it, citing yourself is never a good idea. Either way, I figured some of you may enjoy reading it. Sorry if it’s a bit tough to read. I didn’t write it in a blog format.

Joe Hertler
ENG 101
December 6, 2007
1pm-2pm

Consumerism, American Values, and the Vision of Success

Continue reading

Yea… I’m still alive.

I had a good friend die on September 21st. It was a motorcycle accident.
This is the first time I’ve logged on thehappygamer.com since then.

Hail the forthcoming! The rebirth of a Legend…
Because I’m getting real fuckin itchy for some Video Game Literature!

Expect changes soon.

I got my internet back! Oh, and today is the official THG video game taboo sex day!

 

Hey kids! Yes, I know it has been along time since I last swam in the vast ocean of amateur internet journalism and as before I once again exceeded my bandwidth limitations. You see, I downloaded a Mac OS update that somehow put me at 8 gig [5 being the limit]. Basically they banned my ass for a week and a half… again. Oh well, I’m back and ready to deliver the goods.

Ok, first of all I must announce that today is the official HappyGamer taboo video game sex day. Yes, I know that this site, granted I’m not banned from the internet, covers the touchy issue of taboo sex basically everyday, but this day in particular presents itself to be even more promiscuous.

First on the plate is the story of the WoW horde guild, Abhorrent Taboo. They’re your pretty typical world of warcraft guild. They raid, pvp, and, participate in guild drama. Oh, they also like to fuck horses, goats, ducks, squirrels, and a whole plethora of various South American bird species. They’re also into having sex with underage kids and overage adults and partake in orgies, gay, menstrual, midget, and amputee sex… If you’ve seen it on the internet, Abhorrent Taboo probably
does it. Hey, whatever floats your boat, right.

Oh yea, rather than having real sex, they cyber. Cybering is the act of having sex via text chat. Here
is an example:

Doctadwarf: I pull out my magical staff.
qwertyuiop: u bai goold 5 dolla k?
Doctadwarf: You firmly grasp my magical staff and caress it softly with your fingertips.
qwertyuiop: gold delivery very a lot speed k? very fast you get it will!!!

Ok, lemme say one thing. Aside for the illegal shit, I really don’t care what your sexual preferences are. Just don’t stick your foot in the wrong place when you’re around me and all will be fine. Anyways, Blizzard got pissed about Abhorrent Taboo’s deviant actions and banned their mother fucking asses. Why? Because many underage kids were joining the guild and partaking in the Internet fuck fest, which happens to really damn disgusting and not to mention totally illegal.

A buddy of mine tells me that server has gone to shit because of this guild and that they have reformed under the name of Vile Anathema. So if you see any risqué’ dwarf of elf on orc on rabid wolf… well, report their goddam asses asap. Unfortunately, odds are you won’t be able to do anything about it, so you might as well just join in the fun. I mean, if you can’t beat em’, join em, right?

Here’s Abhorrent Taboo’s guild website. Go buy a flavored condom
and have so fun, dammit!

Anti-Piracy movies are gettin mean!

So… anyone got a demonoid friend pass I can get?
joehertler@gmail.com
kek

via digg 

New Blacks Only Football Game Steriotypes Blacks, Excludes Whites and Asians. Hispanics are pissed off too, but noone knows why…

Grab your watermelon and Kool-aid kids, because fucking Black College Football: The Xperience is here for the PC. Aren’t you intrigued? Dude, I fuckin was! The way they left out the “E” and emphasized the “X” in experience ensnared my ADHD ridden mind from the moment I saw it. It’s only happened once before, but my boner became sooo big, that I nearly passed out due to lack of blood going to my brain. No fucking Joke.

The game will come jam packed with Black collegiate rivalries, Ebonics, decent hydroponic marijuana, a few dead Dogs [courtesy of Mike Vick], a whole shitload of crappy Nick Cannon cameos! Oh, and there will be absolutely no upper middle class conservative white males. However, there will be numerous white ho’s, because everyone knows that a brotha has gotta have his white chocolate, right?

Basically this game kills it on every level. All the blacks are pissed because it stereotypes them. The whites and Asians are pissed because there not included. The Hispanics are pissed because they’re always having to pick blueberries, allowing hardly anytime for them to even play the game. The Middle Easterners are just too Allah damned busy blowing shit up and throwing rocks to even give a fuck. And the Europeans, well… they’re just disgusting. Now, Did I leave anyone out? Shit, your right! Indians! Forgot about them. But yea, they’re really fucking pissed because they don’t have any land to play the game on [yea, the white man even took their bandwidth]! Hell, why not throw women into the picture. They’re pissed because their husbands are too busy looking at the black cheerleader’s asses to help them in the kitchen.

Well, I’ve probably lost every god damn reader I’ve ever had now, so If your one of those kinda people who don’t know how to take a joke, well… you can go fuck yourself. Goodnight.

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