P3N0R Hardening Titles [2007]

Why hello thar! My names Joe and I’m really exited about the year of 2007’s upcoming titles. But there happens to be an elite few releases that make my pen0r just a teeny tiny bit more hard and veiny. During these next few days, we will be delving into the world of the next generation of gaming. This can be very scary, but don’t fret. I’ll be there to guide you on your journey gaming euphoria.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #1
[BIOSHOCK]

I pretty much guarentee that bioshock will be simply the most fucked up game of 2007. It centers itself around an undersea, objectivist philosophy, created to escape the “pressures” of democracy. Unfortunately in “Rapture” the city that in which the story takes place, biological science goes crazy and eventually everyone gets owned. You find yourself in the middle of the chaos and must unravel the mystery of Rapture. The designers were responsible for the incredibly creep system shock and this title seems to follow the fps horror shooter trend. Bioshock also utilizes many RPG elements as well. There is really alot to look forward to this out of the box title. If the the game is half as good as it sounds, it’ll be a sure fire hit. Bioshock is a game that lets you make choices. Will you help the unfortunate inhabitants of Rapture, or will you exploit them for your own good.

Here’s the trailer. Give it a look, it’s pretty crazy. By the way, the little girls are bad.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #2
[Halo 3]

I’m really pushing this year for Halo 3. It’s 2004 predecessor, Halo 2, could possibly have been tagged as one of the greatest games of all time. Unofrtuantely the gaming community and media didn’t grasp the supreme greatness of this this title. I found it amazing that third party developer Bungie Studios found money to continue this series due to an incredibly disappointing 2004 release of halo 2. The developers released beta and are currently looking for testers to fill the underpopulated beta severs. I’m really hoping this time around that halo is better received and it’s audience begins really appreciates and captures the true greatness of the Halo franchise. Expect release this fall.

 

 

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #3
[SUPER SMASH BROS: BRAWL]

The new supersmash will have a whole dumpload of new characters added to their arsenal of throwbacks such as metaknight (who?) and solidsnake. Also, a whole new plethora of maps and updated graphics will be included. Nintendo hasn’t announced it yet, but I’ll be damned if this game doesn’t have online multiplayer incorporated with it. I guess I’m kinda bummed that there won’t be any motion sensing controls, but when it comes down to it, I’d rather have a more enjoyable, pick up and play experience. Super Smash Bros: Brawl will be released this June!

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #4
[GRAND THEFT AUTO 4]

Pretty much no information has been leaked on GTA4 so far besides that there will be downloadable content for Xbox 360 buyers. Rumors provide that this version will be a yakuza-esque version of the game. The official website simply has a big picture of a “4″ with a countdown timer indicating the release of the trailer. Despite the lack of information provided for this title, it’s hard to not find excitement in regard to it’s release in 08.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #5
[HALF LIFE 2: EPISODE 2]

 

 

When you invest in just about anything that says Half Life (Valve Software) your pretty much guerenteed to have an awesome fucking time. Every FPS that Valve produces always captures my attention. The Half Life series is to date, my favorite FPS. The familiar gameplay and gripping story with serenade you through the seemingly endless combine horde. Episode 2 will take place outside the ruins of City 17 and into the forests that surround it. There will be many new vehicles and new pretty fucking awesome looking enemy call the hunter. It will be directX 10 so expect an update from the already stunning visuals. The long awaited Team Fortress: 2 and the intriguingly delightful puzzler Portal will be shipped with it. Half Life 2 is one of the best FPS’s ever made. Expect fully that this one will only add on the the greatness of this series. It will be released this fall.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #6
[Crysis]

One day you hopped in your nano suit and decide to take a strole in south Korea. All of a sudden aliens attack and omg. Thats, from what I know, is the plot of Crysis. You run around and kill Koreans and then incredibly huge ass fucking aliens. Crysis will be setting th bar graphically for this release. The graphics are so incredibly advanced, unrendered side by side screen shots of the game will honestly make you think for a bit as to which is the real picture. You also have in your possession, a high tech nano suit which allows you to activate superhuman abilities such as ultra strength and mega speed. 32 person multi player and a map creator will also be included in the game. The computer used to run this game (at full settings) at E3 cost almost $6,500 dollars. Yea, your gonna need one hell of a fucking PC to run this bitch. Good luck with that. Either way, Crysis is setting the bar graphically and is really showing the power of PC gaming. Expect a release this September and another preview of it from me later this month.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #7
[METAL GEAR SOLID 4: GUNS OF THE PATRIOTS]

 

Basically if you actually own a PS3 and aren’t going to buy this game theres something wrong with you. it’s always a big deal whenever a new MGS game come out, and for good reason. New features are always added to ensure that each new game you play becomes an experience of it’s own. Also, the team behind MGS really know their hardware. Expect some serious graphics out of the PS3 for this title. If they stick to their old gameplay formula, guns of the patriots will have no chance at being a dud.

 

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #8
[METROID PRIME 3: CORRUPTION]

 

 

This will be the final installment in the metroid prime trilogy where our favorite cyborg bounty hunter, samus, has somehow been infected with AIDS and gets fucking powers that are probably tight as hell. It’s gonna be alot more like your standard fps. You’ll look around with the wiimote and move around with the nunchuck. They’re also throwing in the some other rather innovative control schemes fully utilizing the wiimotes capabilities. Testing has reported that in beta, the aiming was very clunky, similar to that of redsteel (terrible game), but new reports say that it has been smoothed out. I really hope the controls end up working out for this title. I really wanna see an FPS work well with the wiimote. Expect to see it out early this spring.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #9
[ALAN WAKE]

I’m really looking forward for the release of Alan Wake, a psycological action horror experience from the makers of max pain. You play a trench coat clad dude who is chased by weird scary things in the dark. The screen shots look amazing, and I’m always a sucker for action horror games. It will be coming out on 360 and PC and will utilize the full capabilities of directX 10. Expect an incredibly stylish game that will really mess with your head. There is no guarantee that it will come out this year, but if it provides a game play value just as good as max payne, it will be a sure fire hit.

MOST ANTICIPATED TITLE #10
[POKEMON DIAMOND/PEARL]

The new pokemon RPG will not be bringing anything new to the genre, besides for slightly updated visuals and touch screen awesomeness. Also, a whole new slew of pokemon will be available for capture. They’re playing it safe, just like the GBA versions. Fortunately the gameplay for all of these games is fucking tight as hell. I almost guerentee this these two games will sell more copies than any other DS titles. Expect a solid release of Pokemon Diamond / Pearl. Read Pokemon: Pixilated Metaphorical Cockfights for more info.

Some other games that didn’t make my list would include:

 

• Motostorm [PS3]
• Warhawk [PS3]
• Devil May Cry 4 [PS3]
• Lair [PS3]
• Mercenaries 2: World in Flames [Xbox 360, Ps3]
• Army of Two [Xbox 360, PS3]
• Assasins Creed [Xbox 360, PS3]
• Guitar Hero [Xbox 360]
• Mass Effect [Xbox 360]
• Huxley [Xbox 360]
• Spore [PC, DS]
• Unreal Tournament 3 [Pc, Xbox 360]
• DK: King of Swing [DS]
• Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hour Glass [DS, fuck pokemon, I totally forgot about zelda]
• Wario: Master of Disguise [DS]
• Cooking mama: Cook Off [Wii]
• SSX Blur [Wii]
• Super Marion Galaxy [Wii]
• Not sure why I forgot about God of War 2 either…

Thank you 1up.com for supplying me with these awesome pictures.

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